STRESSED OUT!

Great night! Bad karma though. Seriously mishap upon mishap. There has been the ups, I have a few new friends who are super awesome and actually give a shit but then theres the people(person) I'm head over heels for who left for a girl who, by the poll I took tonight, is less attractive than me. Which, hell yeah!, means good things for me but leaves me wondering... WHY! I just don't understand.

Then theres my ex who wants to have break up sex and who wants to get back together who got pissed at me when I said no. And whom keeps using everything he possibly can against me! But I am still friends with his friends and his room mate is my best friend so its weird and thats why I said no. Also, I don't want to have sex with him. With anyone at this point.

My big brother just dumped his 18 week pregnant finance about a week ago and hes already with another girl! Having sex with her, cuddling publicly with her and the whole nine yards. Shes pretty and nice but really... he needs to take care of his kid so I really truly fucking hope he does.

I got incredibly drunk tonight and jumped in our pool, which was fucking cold, and then ran through the house BUTT NAKED! Why? I have no fucking clue.

I started smoking a few weeks ago. Again, WHY? Stress? Is that really even a reason? I don't think so. But you'd think that still at this early stage of my smoking career, I'd be able to quit? Well I tried multiple times already and still... Can't do it so what the fuck is that about!

I met this guy Brandon and everything was good. We went on a date and he paid and then we looked over the city, played on a jungle gym and watched a movie at my place. Nothing happened. The next night I was at my cousins house and her and her boyfriend started fighting so I wanted to leave and then Copeland started texting me being an asshole and I couldn't take it! So I asked Brandon if I could come over and he was cool with it then we played Halo 3 with his room mate until 430am until I passed out. Then they went to bed, Brandon put a blanket over me and the next day we talked for like 2 hours before I left!!! Then that night after a great day with Emalie, tubing and the GPS taking us down a giant pothole filled road, which fucked up my car(BAD KARMA), we stopped at his place. I gave him some venesin(deer meat) and we stood in his driveway talking for well over an hour. After that, I haven't heard a word from him. Did I do something, say something? WHAT!!!

BAD KARMA.

But really, I don't feel I did anything to deserve it.

I got a promotion at work so instead of being a dinky cashier, I work in accounting but I fucked that up big time last weekend.. Sooooo bad!! I felt like such a loser!!
I got a new computer the other day(which I'm using) but then I left my NEW cellphone on the roof of my car, drove away and when I dropped off Emalie, I ran it over!! And I'm sure her room mate ran it over to. It turned on but the only button on the entire phone that work, was the end button. So fuck my life. I had to fork out $300 for a new phone and can no longer pay my Grandfather back yet! Which sucks because I don't want to be like my big brother. I want to get my shit dealt with and not have anyone calling me 100 times a day telling me I owe them money. Why he's like that, I'll never know. Maybe from seeing my parents be like that? I don't want to be like for that exact reason though so wheres the common sense in his decision there? I suppose thats one of my qualities. Although... I don't feel safe crossing the road unless someone is there to pull me back because lets face it, I'm destined to be hit by a car.

And the car drama I went through this year!! Last September I bought an '02 Neon and after 25 days the tranny line blew and no matter how much I or my mother bothered the dealership they wouldn't fix it! Instead they gave me a rental, to in the end use against me, and tried to get me to pay for the damage! Fuck that! I tried going through OMVIC, the head office, everyone! Nobody could help me out. Then I got laid off the day before I was to pick up my brand new car and they convinced me that I couldn't go back on it. So, in essentially, I ended up still making payments on my Neon and my brand new car. Luckily when I bought the neon, I purchased a walkaway policy so if I got laid off, my car would be repossessed. Well a lot of good that did me. I paid $6-800 for a 12-month policy and I had to be laid off after 90 of work! So still I was paying for two vehicles. Turns out another catch was having to be in receipt of EI. I then got laid of from my second job late January. EI started fucking me around and I didn't get anything for 2 months because they're fucking useless and Walkaway still hasn't done anything for my car because EI was being a bunch of bastards!

When my EI did come, Walkaway was still fucking me around. This was probably in late march. When they finally took the car back, I had paid off nearly half of it($5000) and only received $135.00 back from all of that and the shit they put me through!!! This caused me to milk my EI to the last drop and just be pissed about the whole thing. $5000 for a car I drove for 25 days tops!

I am one stressed out 19 year old. Seriously, shit like this isn't supposed to happen to people at all especially not 19 year olds! I made every payment for insurance and every car payment. I worked my ass off under the table for 6 months, 6 nights a week, couldn't do anything!!! For a measly $200(if I was lucky) a month. While trying to devote all my free time to my lazy boyfriend! Then I started work at Walmart.... days. 8-4 and still doing my NIGHT job. He came down one weekend when I had to do this and honestly got pissed off because I didn't have the energy to do anything!!! Yeah, I certainly need that shit in my life. GOODBYE.

Thats when I met Steve. And I fell for him, HARD. Our first date we went to the beach and walked around, held hands, laid on the beach and just talked! It was amazing. We didn't get back until 6am and I had to work at 8am... So obviously right there... There was something. We watched movies in his car when he parked by a pond and sand "Come a little closer baby" by Dierks Bentley, together. But he said "all of this was nothing". He left me for a big boobed brunette with more to look at. Shes nice but really... I'm not that bad. I'm not too high on myself, but I am NOT that bad. Wheres my shot?

My brother and his (ex)fiance are lazy sacks and never picked up after themselves and the one night Steve and I came back to my place at 1:30am and Matthew was passed out on the couch, Brittany was sitting in the chair watching tv and their dog had torn apart everything! I said something to Brittany about it and all she replied with was, "well its not my dog, I'm not cleaning up after it". So i proceeded to clean up after them as she watched. It took me, honest to God, 10minutes to clean everything up AND vacuum. Then I decided to do the dishes and ended up breaking a glass and cutting myself on it. I started to scream and Steve ran into the kitchen and saw the blood and told Brittany to get a towel and she stood there for 10minutes staring at my blood and said, "heh heh look shes bleeding"! Steve screamed at her to get me a towel, we wrapped it up and he drove me to emerg. It was 4am at least before I got in and Steve was passed out so I let him sleep and took the first 7 stitches of my life, like a champ. He was actually upset that I didn't wake him up to come in with me because I had told him I was scared. Either way, while we were waiting and before he passed out, he text Brittany asking if her or my brother were going to clean up my blood which littered the kitchen floor and she said "no, I'll throw up and Matthew with pass out".. So when I got home, I had to clean up my own blood then got to work in the afternoon. Great day that was for me.

So now I have this fucking scare that reminds me of Steve. Red trucks make me want to throw up. He drives a big red Dodge Ram which I fucking love. He's joined the Navy and is trying to make it work with Andrea even though she admitted to me that shes addicted to sex and he can't have it because the force puts shit in his food that makes him incapable of doing it. Plus, she cheated or her past boyfriends. Probably all of them. Why he would try to make it work with her, and not me(who has never cheated EVER), is beyond me by far!!!

So anyways... thats just a little bit of my stress and why I hate my life and think that God hates me or whomever it is that gave me this bad fucking karma. Mostly its just a bunch of little things that erupt into something catastrophic without my doing!!! Talk about a drama queen. PUHLEEESE! Give me a fucking break.

baby daddy what?

My cousin is 18 and has 2 kids already. She does not have her first one because she did not want it(understandable since she was 16 when the kid was born!) her baby daddy's parents have her and the second one she isn't allowed to be alone with, I'm not sure why. Both are from different daddy's. In her defence, before I get started, her [baby #2 daddy] beat her and abused her and is mentally unstable(not to mention 8 years older then her!). Her second baby isn't even 6 months old and shes already with another guy because she was cheating on [baby #2 daddy] with him. Their relationship has only come out within the past week and she has been with [baby #2 daddy] up until an "it's complicated" 2-3 weeks ago.

Just from observing her actions when she has come to my great grandmother's when I have been there she doesn't even seem to want the child she has. She simply leaves her with our Aunt and takes off downstairs. Lord only knows how often she just dicks off away from that poor little girl.

This isn't a big deal but I am 99.9% sure she still does drugs to. I don't know what she does but I know she at least smokes pot and I only know this because I had a coversation with her in probably October and I did not know she was pregnant or had a second child(I don't know when she was born). Anyways, we had a discussion about how fun it would be to hot box my, at the time, new car. Right after she had baby #2 she stopped eating so she could lose the weight. Well, she lost the weight but she looks like hell and how stupid can you be! Especially since she was breast feeding!!! Good bye nutrience!

I don't know why all of this bothers me, but then yeah I probably do know why. It's obvious isn't it?

I'm probably going to add more later but anyways, I really don't think she deserves to keep the kid, either one. She is to young and immature. I think it is disgusting that she already has another boyfriend and that she was cheating on her baby daddy with this guy and honestly, she couldn't have worse taste but I guess she picks the ones that are easy and don't care if you're 18 with two kids because they're probably 30 with 10 kids or petifiles that beat woman!

The O.C. Season 3

Episodes 1-3(and 4 I guess) and my beef.

For one, Jimmy Coopers wounds/make-up changed at least 3 times in one shot... You can't wipe away bruises. Second, what was the deal with Julie falling back in-fake-love with Jimmy? Maybe it was real, who knows but either way she was pretty torn when Jimmy didn't show for the wedding. When you find out about his money issues in the beginning, you know it isn't going to end well and I missed the first 3 episodes of this season so I seriously thought Jimmy was dead when the scene ended with him floating..

Thirdly, about this new friend Kirsten has made, Charlotte, she is for one; a terrible actress and obviously after Kirsten in some creepy, psycho, money stealing way. What Charlotte doesn't know, at least I don't think she knows, is that Caleb didn't leave any money! Shes in for a surprise.. Sandy was/is so right about Charlotte saying all that relapse crap to scare Kirsten and she actually fell for it and told Sandy he was wrong, that she was just looking out for her.

Now onto Taylor Townsend, I would like to punch her right in her back stabbing-friendless-Dean obsessed-sneaky-bitchy face and rip out her throat so I don't have to listen to her irritatingly high pitched fake voice and kick her right in the vagina until she bleeds once a month for 5-10 days from her tear ducts. I cannot believe someone can be so deceitful and irritating. And as for the Dean of Discipline, if I had've been Ryan, I wouldn't have let the beat down stop at one punch and I would've went after Taylor too. SHE MAKES ME SO ANGRY! And honestly, Marissa shouldn't have been kicked out of Harbor!

Right now, I am working on episode 4 and the sound keeps cutting out on my piece-o-shit t.v.

A-BOMB;Charlotte just found out that Kirsten has NO MONEY. Hahahaha, you should see her face. Anyways, my foot fell asleep and Charlotte is melting and it's not even raining. I hope Taylor townsend dies =}

Marissa has new friends, we all know what happens when Ryan and Marissa are together and either one of them gets new friends... I would also like to point out that I actualy found out how Marissa came to live at Summer's. Oh the episodes I missed before!

I think thats it, well I know I had more but I'd rather not bor what little readers I have, if any !

Kim bitch.

Today while helping Kelsey move her futon from her apartment to her truck, I slipped on a piece of laminated wood that was covered in snow which then lead to me to dropping the futon and falling face first into a pile of naily wood. I somehow landed on my butt though, with my coat pulled up and a nice "bonk" to the head by the relatively heavy/awkward futon. I have a small hole in my new winter jacket, a small poke hole in my belly(from a nail), a slight canal in my shin accompanied by a long, horizontal, raised bruise. My knee suffered a patch of grated skin filled with jean material and slight but mildly painful bruising, which is preventing me complete leisure in bending my knee. I also have a goose egg on my head, which means(yay!) no internal bleeding! As soon as my butt hit the ground, I grabbed my head, stuck my leg out and started to bawl. Out of shock, of course. I really don't act like I'm 5 when I get hurt... :)

The drive back was shorter then the drive up, thank heaven, although it was quite tiring after all that packing. Unpacking was easy and took no time at all and I pretty much helped unload the truck then unloaded my car and took off. I felt bad but hell, I did my job.

Kelsey told me that her landlords told her not to worry about January rent but that she was going to leave a post dated cheque for them anyways out of courtesy. So Kim, the landlord, came down this morning banging on the door yelling for Kelsey, I was trying to sleep. Anyways, so the first thing out of her mouth was, and it wasn't a nice tone either, "Oh, before I leave I need that rent money". I covered my head with a pillow and just listened to the conversation that followed... Accompanied by, "It was due the first I've waited long enough" and such additions as "No, I can't wait that long, I need it now." and also "I understand that Kelsey, but you know we're not well off and I know your mother will give you the money if you ask so write me a cheque". She really didn't understand that Kelsey didn't have the money and wouldn't until she got her money transfer from the college which would take at least two weeks. I would also like to point out that this woman has a beautiful house and nobody is dying of hunger. I wanted to punch her in the face. But then I started thinking, what about last month rent? Don't you pay that whenever you move in somewhere... YEAH! So really, Kelsey shouldn't owe her JACK SHIT... And I said that to Kelsey and she was all, "well, I don't know... my mom paid it so I don't know what she gave her". And then I was standing thinking to myself, "you are so getting screwed out of $500". Anyways, Kelsey wrote her the cheque and asked her not to cash it but she probably did so lord knows Kelsey is going to have a bounced cheque charge from her bank... Twit.

I have 4 more episodes of the first season of The O.C. to go and I'm really dreading watching them because I don't know when I'm going to see Mike next and once I finish the first season I will die if I can't at least start the second!!! Well, not really.. And not only does Mike think this is sad, but Kelsey does as well... I have never actually watched any of the Star Wars movies or James Bond movies. I may have at one point watched bits and pieces of some of them... but I really can't be sure.

I'm wearing a sparkly shirt and it bothers me so I'm going to either sleep or watch the last four episodes of The O.C. Season 1... Cheers!

Ooooooh, p.s. I named my car "Trooper" because I'm that cool... Actually, she sounded like a beater trying to go on the highway with the weight of Kelsey's crap dragging her down.... So I guess "Trooper" is only a nickname until I find her a real one... Annnd I also took her to a car wash tonight... 24 hour do-it-yourself car wash annnd not only did I run out of money but STUPID ME forgot it was negative too fucking cold outside and the water just froze... But shes nice and shiny now :)

Burger thief

....Now today while I was driving, I decided that I was going to write a blog but now I can't remember what I was going to write so I've decided to just write about my day and my drive up to Belleville which is where I currently am.

It all started at... well I'm not even sure... last time I looked at the clock before we left, it was 12:30pm... But we didn't get to Belleville until 6:07pm or something like that and apparently it's only a 4 hour drive.. haha. Anyways... So we left Kelsey's house on out adventure to Belleville, in separate cars. Kelsey said if I get lost just to follow New Highway 24 to the 403 by Brantford and just follow that to the 407 then drive on there for 10 km until you get to the 401 or something like that well anyways... she drives slow and I got ahead of her on the 403 and when the 407 came up, I took it. She followed of course but I had to pull over for her to catch up... sad story! Anyways, so we were driving and she calls me up, "oh shit this is a toll route we need to get off asap this isn't the right way"... Not her exact words but pretty much what she said.

So we got off the 407 asap and ended up somewhere I've never been before and I didn't see any signs or anything but it was obviously a town. We may have been in Missisauga but I'm not sure. I just know that we were past Toronto and the last sign I saw on the 403 was for Missisauga... So we stopped at Payless Shoe Store and asked for directions to get back onto the 403/401 and then we went McDonald's... I got two burgers and ate one. We got back onto the 403/401 and were on our way.. again lol... We passed through Ajax, Whitby, Pickering and then we stopped in Durham because I had to pee. So I did that and we got HUGE slushies that were 1.3L and only cost $1.70!!! :D Then we headed back onto the highway..

At some point before or after this portion of our trip, Kelsey called me to inform me that she thought we were lost again... But I told her I saw a sign for the 427 and that there would be a ramp or merge for it in approximately 12 minutes and all our problems were solved... She still kept calling and worrying but it all ended well :)

While I was driving and observing the scenery, that being tall buildings and just a new place to explore, I got distracted and I almost drove into the center pillar lol actually I had some space but I hit the bumpy things that makes terrible noises and put on happy music and soon had a sugar rush from my awesome slushie...

Then when we got Kelsey's place, I met her landlord and their dog and son. Their dog was awesome and fell in love me so I played tug of war with her. Their son was an energetic, squealing child who probably has no "off" button and more ADHD then me... Their dog followed us downstairs and grabbed hold of my McDonald's bag, which had the other burger in it that I didn't eat, and started growling at me because I tried to get it back because that little burger was my whole dinner... And she ripped through the bag and ate the burger still in the package... Then she came running at me growling and barking.. so I hid in the bathroom until she was gone because I'm afraid of dogs, especially when they growl and bark at me... and eat my dinner.

= ] Now I am doing jack all except watching futurama, talking to Valerie and Mike and putting all my effort into this.

The O.C.

Ok seriously... Is Marissa stupid! Ryan sees it. Luke sees it. Summer is too absorbed with Seth and Anna to care but they'd see it too if they were given the chance. Oliver is such a psycho! He is clearly trying to steal Marissa away from Ryan and she is so wrapped around his finger that its not even a jealously thing for Ryan it has more to do with her safety. And I mean COME ON, she met him in a psychiatrist office. Then he gets busted for coke and Marissa only feels sorry for him and seriously, his girlfriend doesn't exist and you KNOW. Deep down you just KNOW! When I first watched this portion of the first season I had my suspision that Oliver was going to do something absolutely stupid, but it was worse then I thought! This part of the show pisses me off so much its ridiculous because Oliver is such an ass and Marissa is so so so dumb to me right now. When Oliver transfer to their school and even has the same schedule as Marissa, obviously it was planned. how he found out, who the hell knows but this guy is nuts and if I was her I would be FREAKED. It hasn't even gotten to the part where Ryan finds the letter that is really to Marissa and not the infamous "Natalie", but she desn't realize it because shes being stupid.

PS who the fuck is Mr. Tickle. If I was to meet somebody like Danny, I could shoot them in the head. I feel Seth's pain although he is jealous.

Seth isn't on Ryan's side. The only one who is, is Luke and in the beginning they beat eachother up! I admit Ryan is getting a little ridiculous. Sneaking into the file room and reading up on Oliver and stealing the letter from Marissa's locker! I mean, when she finds out, and she does, shes going to and does freak out on him and it jeopardizes everything! Ryan thinks the letter is for Marissa and it is but thats not the point, Oliver tells her its for Natalie and Marissa believes it to be for Natalie BUT Oliver is crazy and the audience is the only person(s) who really truly knows!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm sososososososososooooo upset with Marissa right now. I would be upset if my boyfriend stole something personal from my locker but a few episodes ago Marissa was the one who said there was an unwritten law that you can/should tell your girl/boyfriend pretty much everything and instead of telling Ryan everything she is telling Oliver but everything is Ryan's fault and nobody will listen to him except for Luke and Seth is clearly too busy with his own issues to even care.

Oliver has no right to say anything he did and if I was Ryan I would of punched his face too. He was a little scary screaming, "stay away from her", but that smug look Oliver had on his face after he hit the ground with blood on his lip makes me want to spit in his corn flakes and pee in his apple juice and punch him in the vagina and make him squeal like the caniving asshole he really is.

Summer thinks that Oliver is in love with Marissa. Finally another frontier is breached! But I just love how everyone was friends and now its just awkward with a dash of psycho Oliver. And Summer is right, Oliver does have Marissa all to himself now, he has every right to be happy and feel accomplished.

And Mike, if you read this, you were so right about Season One being the best. I didn't even realize that all of this stuff happened in just one season! And I'm only on disc 5!!! It's pretty awesome knowing when everything happened instead of being completely lost in the events that have occured.

I'm kind of sick of ranting about this portion of the season because it just gets more frustrating and annoying. I hate Oliver... And thus I end my pathetic rant about a T.V. show and continue to poke at my pimples.

Addition;And reality hits Marissa in the face like a hard ball flying at 250km/hr. Shes in trouble now and she knows it. He, being Oliver, is freaking out. Now all hel broke loose and Marissa is sorry for not believing Ryan, Anna and Seth broke up. Personally, I think Anna and Seth make a better couple then Summer but thats just my opinion....

previous

Did I also mention that one time I was doing pet adoptions at petsmart and Valerie paid me a visit and brought me a wonderufl surprise? Well, now I'm telling you. My surprise was Mike. It was exciting.

Currently on the O.C., Marissa is TJ over dosing on pills and its a slgiht buzz kill. Oh such is life....

coop

My Grandmother took me to get my nails done about two weeks ago. It has been hell having them and they weren't super long but for me they were scary long and awkward. Now that I have peeled them off my real nails are incredibly thin and brittle but alas, I can play my guitar again. I can probably text message a lot better now too... Now this isn't some crazy rant about how terrible it is to have fake nails...

That night after I got them done, my Grandmother and I were driving down a street in Hamilton, I'm sure it was James St., and we slowed near an intersection to see what the dark pile was on the opposite corner of the street from us. My Grandmother and I soon realized it was a man's body and a bike and amidst the busy traffic, nobody had stopped but us. The man who had hit the man on the bike had pulled into a parking lot near by, to check his VAN FOR DAMAGE and took longer to get to the body to see if the guy was ok, if thats even what he was doing, then it did for my Grandmother to call 911, check the mans vitals and for other people to stop and realize "oh shit, thats not a garbage bag". Needless to say, I sat in the truck and I cried. I thought I saw him breathing but it was just my mind playing games because I'm in slight denial about death really existing... So, because of this, I have decided NOT to go into medicine which means I will NOT be going to school to become a PSW, Paramedic, Doctor.. whatever, its just not going to happen. I learned something new about myself and that was how sensitive I truly am. I didn't even know this man but just seeing him lying there, the people who carelessly drove past and the man who hit him being more worried about his Van then the poor man he hit... It really hit me hard. His face was mutilated, if he was alive, he was barely hanging on. My Grandmother told me straight up that he was dead, that I imagined his chest moving and I, of course, started to full on ball. How amusing...

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE;
His name is Michael.
He let me borrow the first season of The O.C.
My fake nails are gone.
I finally got my glasses and they are faaaancy.
I have jelly beans that he bought me.

CONS;
My real nails are dead.
The O.C. makes me sad and pisses me off sometimes. Teenagers, pffffft.
My eye glass prescription is not only a year old but its not strong enough.
I am definitely getting a cold AND a massive blond pimple on my right cheek, it hurts.